been feeling good.

I am not really sure why I feel so conceited sometimes. But I guess its natural. I get a lot of attention from guys now, and I don't want it to go to my head. Its bad enough when some desperate old guy tries to feel like he's young again by hitting on me. But I really don't want to focus on whether I look great or not, I think there's something to be said about trying to be healthy and happy vs getting caught up in trying to be Miss America or something. I didn't lose 60 lbs to feel better than everyone else. I did it to feel better than I used to. And I don't get as upset anymore about things I have no control over anymore. i'm not perfect, but I do think I've accomplished a lot despite a lot of fears and having an unfulfilled dream which I just don't care about anymore.

I haven't even lost any weight since september but I look good in a smaller dress dress I bought, so I'm really happy I am about 5 sizes smaller and I'm thrilled. You don't need to starve, just eat healthy and exercise and you'll feel better.

Been blogging on Youtube.

Here's a video I did on some trinkets I keep to cheer me up, I read about it in a magazine and it put into words something that I had always thought. That enjoying beauty, whether its a flower or a fancy hand soap, is good for you and doesn't have to cost a lot. While I hadn't written a book about it, I have often enjoyed wonderful and beautiful things that I wanted to share with the world through art. But unfortunately, the art world doesn't agree. They make ugly paintings and say it means something and expect us to ooh and aah even though it doesn't look good simply because they know more about it than we do. Even though I was reading about art, aesthetics and philosophy and the idea of studying beauty goes back 200 years, I don't think that we are there anymore.

I've been liking doing You tubes.

They're fun. I get to see myself talk and get better at it. Mostly been talking about my ideas in things I'm interested in. I had some interest in my one about wind energy and craigs list. I thought someone could do some wheeling and dealing on craigslist and barter for things. There's lots of stuff on there. Some people have free fill and some people are willing to pay for it. So if you brought them together, you could in theory make a little money depending on how you went about it.
But mostly I think offering to barter a valuable service is good these days. I'm going to do that with craigslist I think.
I've been gardening and in four or five days I started growing spices and herbs like lavander and basil and chives.
Talked to an old friend for a little bit. I hadn't talked to him for a while because he was kind of wild. But my grandmother always said there's no saints under thirty. So I guess its normal to go wild in your twenties but he finally met someone he likes and is in a relationship. Which is good for him. But he might be losing his job. So I was sort of feeling sorry for him. But then, I am the one he replaced at the frame shop.

I did youtubes about my thoughts.

I thought maybe since my friends thought my story was inspiring, I would share some of my tips to feeling good. So many people say if you are rich you'll be happy. I grew up in a home where I was known for my last name and now that I get called J-lo,
sometimes, its like no one cares about me. THey just think I'm some chick they can oggle. But I got As and Bs and want to use my communications studies to help kids learn to speak well.

I may never be a millionaire writer. But I thought feeling good through taking care of my health through diet and exercise is worth a lot too. There are plenty of people out there who tell you that you can feel better because you lost weight. Which is only partially true. You feel better by learning discipline and doing the right things for your health. It only takes will power to eat healthy and not junk food and to exercise. Not to starve yourself. That never works.

But learning to take control of your eating and exercise has to take priority over becomeing a supermodel or a millionaire. Its something you have to do for you. People may like you better because of it. But not letting your improved looks go to your head and to be a morally bankrupt person is important to feeling good.

I think communicating is an important step to feeling good. Most people don't know how to get their message across. They say eat right and exercise. But they don't give you the advice on how to deal with bad emotions and many people eat emotionally. I find the better you communicate, the better you'll feel, so you'll be less likely to indulge in donuts if you think about how much better breathing deep will make you feel than to eat a food that will make you crash.

www.youtube.com/jaalah is where I have my new youtube videos I did one on wind energy and craigslist which were pretty popular. Check them out.

Blog talk radio show on at 4 pm

I did some youtube videos and they were ok. Its hard to do. I am going to do a blog talk radio show at www.blogtalkradio.com/dupont_talks about communication and listening and what not and nonverbal communication and the importance of communicating well.

Although I find that people like people who look good. If you are self confident and present yourself well it is always good. Although people with a larger body aren't always unattractive, they might feel better if they cut out junk food and ate more healthy foods once in a while. While my diets not perfect, I find exercise really helps boost your mood and I think being fit will help you accomplish your dreams and can help you be more attractive and even if you aren't the best communicator it can give you some leeway.

Being a good friend is important to me and I love chit chatting. I think being friendly in general is a good thing. I like being spiritual and I like the idea of becoming a speech therapist and helping people. Hopefully, this practice will make me more confident.

Thought maybe I'd tutor english

I thought I might be able to tutor english to my brothers friends in Kosovo part time while I went to school. We'll see. I could only manage to work maybe ten hours in the morning for me its six hours earlier in Kosovo. so it would be lunch time their time. So anyway. I figured if I'm studying speech therapy it would be good to see if I'm any good at it. i figured if anyone wanted to work with me we could work out a year contract for a weekly lesson so they could learn to speak better. I don't have to charge a lot. everyone thinks I'm better at talking than writing, even though I always dreamed of writing. Other things I thought of was using my cartooning to raise money for children with autism or something. I thought I could make cartoons and have kids color them in.

Helped grandma in her garden

It was really fun and I managed to fertilize some of her flowers and put down some woodchips. I put down two wheel barrows full of wood chips and I'll do more later. I got rid of a little sapling that would have competed with a big butterfly bush and cut it back. I pinched my finger and got lots of scratches doing this. But i felt good helping grandma. Then I went to the gym. i pretty much ignored C again and he didn't look too happy. Well too friggin bad. imagine my dismay at learning he had a girlfriend. It is the worse feeling. To try to be someones friend and get the impression they want more only to learn they are involved with someone. And i thought the last straw was having him make comments like I was a good girl. Like I need some lame comments like that to feel better about myself. i feel so great right now, if only he could get it through his head that I'm not up for hanky panky with a friend who isn't even serious about me. i'm sorry. I could do a lot better than someone two or three years younger than me who gets on my nerves. Its so much easier to work out if I just don't care about him. I don't owe him anything. Plenty of guys wanted me when I was a size 18. Now I'm a 14 and I just don't care about what guys want. I'm perfectly fine without meeting some loser who will hurt me. I may be geeky but I have a good heart. And i really don't need to hear it. This other guy who tried to say hi to me decided to wear a nets shirt today. God he's thin. He's exactly the look I like. Tall thin, dark and kind of gawky. If only I hadn't been mooning over stupid S when he tried to say hi. I can't help it. i'll meet someone. I don't really believe in birth order because they said I'd have a more liberal attitude. Well. i don't. I want a serious relationship. Although my way of sharing my faith is more show how great it makes you feel. I don't believe in jumping from loser to loser and i've dated a lawyer who I dumped because he seemed sleazy, a concert pianist I dumped because I thought he was gay. But the one I loved the most was T. who was emotionally a porcupine once he found out how much I wanted him to care about me. Why can't guys understand women would be a lot more beautiful if they weren't always so mean. I mean isn't it odd that the only ones who stay together put up with a lot of abuse? I mean lets face it. The most beautiful women were really loved. No matter what their political leaning. i would have been a lot more beautiful now if my boyfriends had tried to be more loving. i would rather be alone than put up with abuse. I mean who needs to be cheated on or beaten or degraded? I'm better off being friends than submitting to that crap. I might hurt someone if they don't show a little more caring. if a guy can't ask me out, i just can't be bothered. Its worthless being a guys friend. They want to waste the best years of my life without really caring about me and I don't even get a phone call.